Sad

I believe I pretty much have bad karma because clearly I am “unlucky” in love.

Today my mom says to me that marriage isn’t something you just throw away without working at it.  She believes the reason I gave her was “petty” but SHE CLEARLY has no idea why I left.  Should I tell her?  You know the real reason.
It just took me by surprise that she would ask me if J and I were completely over…  maybe she thinks I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.  She even brought up karma and that maybe my next guy would be a cheating asshole.  Wow.  That’s something.

I guess my mom doesn’t want me to be unlucky in love and I  she’s still rooting for J and I to work out.  Because as she said to me, “He’s genuine.”  And she’s right, “he’s genuine.”

But you know, some mistakes are just so unforgivable… some mistakes you can’t forget. And you know I tried.

Oh, well… hopefully, I feel better soon.

180

I definitely have a lot to be grateful for!

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”–Anonymous

What gets me through the day are quotes…  Yes, quotes!  It makes me feel less alone.  It’s good to know that other people have entered the “darkness” and made it through.  Sometimes we like to cling onto the darkness, or worse yet, retreat to the past, refusing to see what’s on the other side.  Despondency can take a hike… for now.
I’ve been keeping myself busy.  I’m whipping myself into shape, reading, writing, and studying a lot more.  I’ve even picked up cleaning and organizing…  It’s just interesting on how much you can accomplish in a day .  My social life has improved and I just started a Physics study session to take place every Sunday.

Right now, as I write this, my soul feels content, but when I start thinking about all the things that could be… my worries and doubt consume me..  But I am looking forward.

To taking risk! 

Eh.

If I hadn’t made the decisions I have made, a year from now I’d be planning my life with someone else…

The path that I have paved in these past years was a road to being a wife, a mother… to having a career in a different state..  to even finally getting a place with my would be husband.  WE were settled.   In a blink of an eye, everything changes.

It’s life.  Things happen.  People change.  We need to move on because time sure as hell doesn’t wait for anyone.

Now that I am alone, free, and well I will state again, “ALONE” I am desperately seeking the pieces of the puzzle I need to be a better person for myself. I definitely need to grow alone and make decisions on my own.

I have kept myself busy with really GREAT friends, but then there are moments like these that reminds me of change and the steps I need to take in order to find myself.

Let this journey be a great one.